jpeter: (can you still feel the butterflies)
[personal profile] jpeter
growing up, my parents told me day in and day out that i would never amount to anything, that i shouldn't have been born, that should have died in the womb. my mother was a sadistic schizophrenic cunt who took pleasure in dragging me through our house by my ankles, locking me in closets and cellars. my father was a gentle, solitary man who lacked the moral wherewithal to consider his children human. their violence was compounded by a more pervasive cultural isolation typical for immigrants on the move, vying for a bid at the American Dream: a house in the suburbs, fulfillment, independence.

for many years i questioned the value of every breath i took (this was before i became semi-political.) it was hard for me to let myself succeed at anything, because i knew nothing i ever did could absolve me of the crime of simply existing. every hint of even the most minor success confronted me with a veiled abyss of failure.

but in 2002, after my friend aaron smashed his cellphone, downed a bottle of valium and checked out early, something inside me snapped. i suddenly realized i did not want to end things that way. so i did what anyone else in my predicament might do; i moved to the nearest city, sobered up, applied to grad school (harhar.)

3 years later after running away again, and breaking away from my family for the last time, i returned to the first real claim to life that i'd ever made. i submitted my long overdue M.A. thesis in June 2008. i received my diploma in the mail today, and not without a painful amalgam of grief and elation.

this is the kind of ending i'd had in mind; the kind that open up to new beginnings.

september 8th, 2008. mom, dad: i am ready to finally bury you.

Date: 2008-09-09 01:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fountaingirl.livejournal.com
FUCK YES.

Awesome.

I love you, you know. I don't comment much but I think you are fabulous and if I were local I would buy you lunch. ( <--- so fucking generous right?)

Date: 2008-09-11 04:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] altbro-emeritus.livejournal.com
aww thanks, sugar! :D

secret: i am fabulous! muahaha

Date: 2008-09-11 04:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] altbro-emeritus.livejournal.com
AAAAAAH i'm getting someone else's icons too, WTF? who is that girl?! it's supposed to be a picture of a cartoon anus bleeding!

Date: 2008-09-09 02:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] player4life.livejournal.com
Petey, I'm so proud of you. You've worked really hard for this and deserve it! Congratulations!

Date: 2008-09-11 04:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] altbro-emeritus.livejournal.com
thanks angie! :D

Date: 2008-09-09 02:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] missaleneus.livejournal.com
Congratulations on EVERYTHING!

Date: 2008-09-11 04:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] altbro-emeritus.livejournal.com
thanks alena! hey when u moving back? we need to prepare a welcoming party

Date: 2008-09-09 06:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jpeace.livejournal.com
Liberation! xoxo

Date: 2008-09-11 04:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] altbro-emeritus.livejournal.com
FUCK YEAH, now your turn

Date: 2008-09-09 02:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dirtyglamour.livejournal.com
So unbelievably proud of you, Pete.

<3 <3 <3

Date: 2008-09-11 04:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] altbro-emeritus.livejournal.com
THANKS HOMEY though we can no longer be friends cuz yr parents are repubs

Date: 2008-09-11 04:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] altbro-emeritus.livejournal.com
EEEEW wtf? that's not my icon, who the fuck IS THAT?

Date: 2008-09-11 01:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dirtyglamour.livejournal.com
Whatever Pete, if you elected to haz the surgery to turn you into a white girl, I'll still be your friend.

Date: 2008-09-11 01:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dirtyglamour.livejournal.com
BUT THEY ARE COMPASSIONATE WHITE DEVILS!

Date: 2008-09-09 04:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] guiser1.livejournal.com
Congratulations. I'm entirely proud of you.

Date: 2008-09-11 04:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] altbro-emeritus.livejournal.com
thanks man! and hey, glad to hear you're sticking with the gym. it makes me think i should start getting healthy too.

(think is the operative word)

Date: 2008-09-09 06:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wystel.livejournal.com
congratulations!

Date: 2008-09-11 04:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] altbro-emeritus.livejournal.com
danke danke! hey are you going to MLA this year?

Date: 2008-09-11 05:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wystel.livejournal.com
heck yeah! i already registered! and you? (we can provide lj dispatches from multiple fronts!)
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